Comic Relief

Life, tempered by comic relief.

He sat down for watching his 3rd re-run of the 7th episode of the 5th season. Even though by now he could practically predict the words as they poured out on screen, he was looking forward to this. The day hadn't been that great and he looking forward to a distraction. He pulled a beer from the refrigerator, and sat down with his thoughts still circling his head. He'd watch a scene and then drift into his mess, only to be pulled back by the laughter track running every ten seconds or so. Thank god for the laughter track! It may get annoying if you're listening intently, but then who is? The commercials were the hardest part, they are not nearly neat enough to keep you hooked and he drifted right back to the fight with her in the morning. He tried to recollect the events as they happened and silently played out the dialogue; searching for what went wrong. He felt tired and lonely, and was on the verge of shedding a thin little tear when thankfully the laughter track was back! The minor trickle drowned itself in his tepid laughter. 

Is that Cricket I'm watching?

I write this as a fan of the game of cricket, in great confusion. I'm not sure what I follow anymore or who I support. I'm not even sure what's real. Is the team that represents India Srini's XI or Dhoni's XI or maybe India? Was it ever India or were there always vested interests? A flurry of controversies around Indian cricket and their rather murky management have left no doubt that there are powerplays being taken off the field. Beyond that, these controversies have created a lot of doubt.

While the IPL already had a shaky reputation, this year it just turned into a reality show. I've only ever bought one ticket to the IPL, and even though I've lost a lot of time watching the prank, I'm not financially fooled. If I had to simulate a game, I'd do it on an X-box, why watch someone else's simulation? But then was it a simulation, or was it just revenge on Sreesanth for taking on Harbhajan and the BCCI? CSK acted super shady when their guy, Meiyappan, was called in by the police.

Dhoni runs a player management company, which manages players belonging to Chennai and India. How did these players (Jadeja/Raina) end up in both teams led by him? It could be coincidence. He is India's most successful captain ever, so it makes one really question claims of him having conflicted interests, but the situation is murky enough for doubt.

Its hard to disbelieve in the sport you grow up with. Its hard to stop following or supporting it, but I feel like my faith is being tested. Now I see much more when I sit down to watch cricket. What is the truth? 

Closet

He paused before he approached the door. It had always been right in front of him, yet he'd never known what lay inside, nothing apart from some odd article that seemed to overflow. He walked tentatively towards her closet, as if prying, and his hand moved towards the knob. His head was full of theories of what he might see. He was tense, yet excited, he felt it was important, and was looking forward to it. He had been considering it for a while, even the possibility of finding something that might weigh heavily on an otherwise perfect relationship. But it wasn't the darker theories that worried him. He loved her for reasons unlinked. He was perturbed merely by the existence of a closet, it might be full of empty things, things that are too inconsequential to be considered for more than a glance, but it was bothersome nonetheless.
She had often hinted at her discomfort with his curiosity about it, and he had always politely respected her position. But things were different now, curiosity had evolved into confusion, and confusion had escalated to desperation. He had to know, and there was nothing to worry about. A quick glance, and that'll be that. The greatest of all mysteries solved, dissolving the last mile of distance between them.
His hand slowly twisted the knob, and pulled the door towards him. The door groaned, as if in warning, but he was too engaged to notice. To end his misery, he flung the door open. He regretted it and was half worried that he would break a pile of dust and leave behind a noticeable mess. He didn't see it at first, the closet seemed empty, but then his eyes adjusted to the darkness and there it was, sitting quietly in the darkest corner. He squinted in an effort to see it, but when he did, he was left gasping for breath.
It was over. It was her. 

Talking about Stalking

Recently, I've met a lot of fairly highly educated men in India who are worried by the inclusion of stalking and voyeurism as offences in the "anti-rape" amendments. While these individuals might have no intention of harassing or assaulting a woman, they are wary of seemingly harmless sounding words, that might be used to describe most of the activity on facebook, being now used to describe a crime.

They are also terrified of how this kind of inclusion would lead to widespread misuse by women, and they expect that women would start walking into courts and claiming that they were "stalked" or "seen" just for the thrill of winning a case.

This is what the law states -

Voyeurism
Any man who watches, or captures the image of a woman engaging in a private act in circumstances where she would usually have the expectation of not being observed either by the perpetrator or by any other person at the behest of the perpetrator or disseminates such image.

Stalking 
Any man who -

• follows a woman and contacts, or attempts to contact such woman to foster personal interaction repeatedly despite a clear indication of disinterest by such woman; or
• monitors the use by a woman of the internet, email or any other form of electronic communication 

commits the offence of stalking.

Its not considered stalking if the man proves -

(i) it was pursued for the purpose of preventing or detecting crime and the man accused of stalking had been entrusted with the responsibility of prevention and detection of crime by the State; or

(ii) it was pursued under any law or to comply with any condition or requirement imposed by any person under any law; or

(iii) in the particular circumstances such conduct was reasonable and justified

While we may not be able to use peeking into girls' bathrooms or tailing women till they are creep-ed out enough to decide that we love them; which is a massive cultural shift, as pointed out by some members of the Lok Sabha; our general, healthy, two-sided, voluntary interactions with women are not threatened by law. 

Foreign.

He stumbled in the dark, his hands reaching out for something to hold on to. It was stuffy to the extent that he found himself suffocating; his lungs working on overdrive to gather whatever air blew his way. 

There was no familiar sound of insects, no rustling of leaves, no engines running in the distance. There was no light, not even a mirage. 

He circled as he moved forward, his eyes thirsty to see. It was the same all around him, completely dark. He'd expected his eyes to get used to the dark and start identifying things around him, but they still saw only black. 

He was trapped in a sea of darkness, a dead sea of darkness. He blinked, he pinched his arm, he shook his head to come out of this puzzling dream. But it wasn't a dream, as un-real as it may seem to him, it was his reality, and that of many before him. 

But he didn't know that. He just knew that he was, at this moment in his ordinary life, stuck in an extraordinary situation, and that he had no idea what to do. 

The Curious Case of Crime Against Women

There are lots of arguments linking the genesis of sexual abuse or assaults to the inherent gender inequality in a society. The standing hypothesis is that the sex that is economically and socially powerful, controls the fate of the other sex, and over-exercises its liberties to violate members of the opposite sex. The opposite sex, physically weaker, and socially helpless, succumbs and bears the injustice without recompense.

The cause is present in India. Women are economically weaker, the society being patriarchal, also favors men. The effect is present in India too. The incidence of sexual assaults is very high, unmeasured, and probably higher than estimated. Does that mean that the hypothesis holds true? A lot of campaigns, statements, speeches in India center around shifting this social and economic power base, making it more equal, and hence solving the very core of the issue. Addressing the cause, and not the symptoms.

I'm not convinced that the hypothesis is true. What are the examples of other cultures where sexual assaults against women declined with increasing economic and social empowerment? Actually, what are the examples of cultures where social power was shifted at all?

I have an example that contradicts the hypothesis.  The US does not have the cause. Women are economically empowered, socially independent, and equal on various commonly referred parameters - like property inheritance e.g. It still has the effect. One out of four american college students have been victims of attempted rape, and one out of five have been victims of rape. That's not a modest figure at all.

There is a difference between the US and India. The level of reporting is much higher in the US. Why is that? I would argue its because the police and judicial system are reliable. If that were the case in India, the reporting levels would be much higher. Maybe lower than the US still, the rest of the gap being filled through empowerment. Empowerment gives women confidence to voice their concerns, if not address them.

Empowerment might be the solution to a lot of our nation's problems, but I'm not sure if it'll solve the curious case of crime against women.

The Factory

He walked over the rubble, breathing in dust and breathing out his recollection of what used to be. He was last there 15 years ago. He remembered running down the muddy road, in his white shirt and blue shorts, eager to meet his friends. He was very punctual, seldom late, he would make it even if he was ill. This, for him, was the best part of his day. He longed to come down on the weekends too. But the factory would be closed, and they weren't allowed to be in the area when that was the case.

He seemed to know where he was walking to, he walked towards where the main building used to be, and tried to find the outlines of the rooms. He could see them now. All filled with his friends - chatting excitedly about their last game of cricket. He waved to a few of the faces he recognized, but continued strolling down the hallway, lest he be late. He really didn't like that. He liked the master, but he also knew that once irked, he may not be able to control his temper. He found himself walking faster, almost jogging towards the end of the hallway. He could hear them all over the place, and he could now hear them at the end of the corridor. As he drew nearer, he recognized the voices of his friends, his best friends - Varun and Mini. He could hear them arguing over who was doing better, as always. He found himself running towards the door now. He didn't want to miss them.

The last time he was here, the only time he was late, they had already left before he made it. Them and a few others. As he ran towards the door, within shouting distance now, he heard a sharp blast up ahead. He was stunned, shocked and stood frozen for a second. Somehow he knew what it meant, and he was already starting to well up inside. Suddenly, there were blasts all over and he was surrounded by the screams of his little friends, and swirling fire, engulfing them. He started running away, but suddenly realized that he didn't want to. Not again. With his face full of tears, and shirt full of sweat, he started walking towards his friends. He was determined to find them. He ran towards the door, turned the corner at the end of the corridor and suddenly found himself in the middle of a pile of rubble. He could hear the voices of his friends, crying, screaming for help, but he couldn't see them. He could just see dirt, and his spot - empty, unoccupied. It was too late. He walked quietly to his spot and sat down.

He never saw them again, and being one of the few survivors, was shipped off to a different village for a clean cover-up. His family, happy to accept the generosity of the Seth, moved with him and started a new life.  

The 'School Recess' Phenomenon

I don't necessarily want to live fewer years, I just wish to live a short life

We used to visit school from 8 am to 2 pm every day. There were lots of classrooms, full of lots of students, full of lots of noise, undeterred by the lack of temperature control or the presence of authority. We used to attend four classes in the first half of the day, back to back, with but a minute to breathe in between, and repeat the same for the second half. In between these two rather monotonously defined sessions of work, we  were offered a break. 20 minutes, to eat our meal between breakfast and lunch.

Why did we eat a meal between breakfast and lunch? Why don't we do that any more?

20 minutes to meet all our friends. 20 minutes to attend someone's birthday celebrations. 20 minutes to play basketball, cricket, football, volleyball, 'throw the ball hard at the other person' or tag.

Why did we throw a ball at people as hard as possible? The best throws were those which landed at the softest spot and caused maximum damage.

In 20 minutes, we would do all of this - 20 minutes that were never enough. The bell would always ring before we'd expect it to. And we would always find ourselves rushing back. But they were 20 minutes we wished to live and waited for every single day.

Why can't it all be like that? Life should be unexpectedly short. 

India: We Still Kill Women

The Son comes with glorious promises. He is a hand of earning. He is the one expected to eventually take over the household, and provide for its elders. He perpetuates the family name, thus cementing its glory, and providing untold joy to his parents.A worthy investment. 

The Daughter pales in comparison. You feed her, educate her, save her dignity for nothing short of a couple of decades (maybe lesser than that in a few disturbing cases), and she just walks away with a stranger one day. Only to serve and to care and to provide for his family. She perpetuates another family. She comforts another set of elders. Why should we want her?  

We boast of a shameful 940 females per 1000 males in our country. In almost all prominent North Indian states - Delhi, Haryana, Punjab, UP - the sex ratio fails to touch 900. The numbers are lower if you look at children. Its even more depressing to read that the child sex ratio has been declining. We are on our worst day since Independence. Independence to kill the girl child. 

Along with our friendly neighbors (China), we lead the world in lowest female to male sex ratios at birth. Apparently, they also have a taste for female foeticide. India shining.

In a lot of cultures, despite being less preferred, the girl child is considered a symbol of wealth. In the Middle East and in Africa, male suitors pay a dowry to the girl's family in exchange for her hand. Unfortunately in India, even this is twisted. The girl's parents are expected to pay. 

The truth is that women love and care for their parents as men do, if not more selflessly than men. And they are equally capable of being hands of earning. The issue is dowry, not the girl. We murder, and this adds to our disrespect for women. Maybe it also causes us to be violent with them.

According to some estimates, about 50 girl children were murdered as I wrote this.

India: Truths from Behind the Veil

In Saudi Arabia, women constitutionally or legally are unequal to men. They do not have the right to drive a car, for example. They are socially restricted, unless if they are pre-pubescent or married and accompanied by a male relation. They have fought and acquired the right to education, and to work, but are segregated from men in the workplaces. A woman in Saudi Arabia is born unequal, and is trained through practice to be inferior. 

In India, women are born legally equal. In fact, the dominant religion holds women in high esteem, and some might argue, in higher stead than men. She is educated, grows up with personal and professional ambition and of course, can drive any car she wants. Some of the largest states of our country are led by women, and it is popularly believed, that the country itself is run by a woman. We have prominent women in all walks of life – business, entertainment, politics, police, journalism etc. and a girl child looks at these examples and may dare to dream.

We are clearly the fairer society. But are we? There are ~25k reported rapes in India every year. Given the closeted nature of our society, and based on media estimates, the real number is expected to be as high as 250k. A woman is raped in India every two minutes. Only about one fourth of rape cases lead to convictions. That effectively means that a rapist only has about 3% chance of being convicted. Great odds, eh? In the glorious capital, only 1 guy was convicted for rape in 2012, 600 rapes were reported. Though it is positioned as the flag bearer of India’s rape culture, it accounts for ~3% of the total. It doesn't just end there, 90% rapes seem to be registered against offenders known to the victim, often family members. This is just like Saudi Arabia now, isn't it? No. Saudis don’t harm their own children, they might marry the nieces though.

We let our women out on paper planes, and then we let ourselves loose on them. We tell them that they are free and equal and we want them to outdo us, but we can’t tolerate it. If they win, we lose. Even the women who have made it rule insecurely, wary of other women joining them, making their feat smaller.

It’s not just men, and it’s not just men who rape women. We, as a society, pull our women down. And the fact that we position ourselves as liberal and progressive and equal is typically characteristic of India, isn't it? 

We live dirty lives under a just, self-righteous veil. Just like the Saudis now, eh?

It disturbs me immensely that scores of women were raped in India, in the time that I spent writing this. There is something desperately wrong.

Sometimes its hair, Sometimes its not hair

I often talk about my passion for cultural tourism, and my fascination with the wide variety of social systems that exist around us.
Kenyans have much rougher hair than the average Indian. It makes it tedious to maintain, and hence you see a lot of women braiding their hair. My natural reaction was to admire the ones who did not braid their hair and chose to make the effort to maintain it.

One afternoon, I was walking to lunch with a group of friends when I saw one of them had stopped behind us. One of the braid-less ones. I turned to see a pony-tail on the floor next to her, and as I looked around in gross bewilderment I found that nobody bothered to give it a second glance. Surely, it has to some shock value when you find your fine-haired friend was literally wearing a pony-tail, I thought. She, noticing my discomfort, scurried to pick it up and re-attach it, while laughing at my state of confusion.

I was later told that there are no admirable ones. They are all wearing some kind of hair-extensions. Its not a wig - which covers the whole head, but an accessory. Majority of these extensions are made with hair from India. 

If you have the hair for it, you could sell it for $100-$1000. Though the higher price is mostly reserved for exotic Peruvian hair. 

Brand New Year

A year well lived = a day of fond reminiscing

The New Year comes with an optional blank slate. If you accept it, you choose to drop your baggage, and travel light, again. Will you?

Here’s what I have in mind for this year (though of recently I have been way off on what I expect from my own life) –

Spring in Africa – If all goes as expected (it probably won’t), I might end up backpacking in South and East Africa to mark the end of my current volunteer stint, and spring

Summer in the Far East – Take the train (there is such a train, yes) from Beijing to Moscow through Mongolia, and then to Siberia, and then ferry to Japan and Korea

Autumn in India – There’s so much to see in dear old India, including my peeps

Winter in a Cold Country – I've never seen snowfall, ever. I need to get rid of this dubious distinction

Cheers to a Brand New Year!