Hello Stranger

Sometimes people force you to do things that you don’t want to do. I’m not one to give up my free will that easily but there is just no way to constantly fight for everything you believe in against everyone you spend your life with. It’s tiring and consuming. Tradition is the backbone of the false security that my dear society lives with. If you do everything exactly as your ancestors did, or as they claim they did, then it’ll be alright. If you as much as sneeze in the wrong direction, you are in unknown territory. Dark, dirty waters ready to whirlpool you down their swirling gut just because you were foolish enough to jump in them. There is the known and the unknown. The ideal life is the perfect execution of the known I was taught. “It’s not easy and no one has done it before in our family. You are a special child. You, I believe, will be able to perfectly do everything we ask you to do”. The last time I concentrated when someone was giving me a speech trying to tell me how limited I am was a year ago. If I remember correctly, I responded with incoherent shouting. The last time I pretended to listen was a few months ago. And then I decided that I’m done pretending. There is no way to actually tell if and when you’re happy, but I guess I try to gauge from the way I talk to people, the kind of music I choose to listen. Music is tricky – I still love listening to Damien Rice when I’m cheerful. I’m definitely happier not pretending. Problem is I fit nowhere when I’m not. Because everyone else is.  But then I’m forced to pretend every once in a while, and there is the usual bout of grouch. That’s the beauty of being among strangers. There is no need to pretend. Any of your faces is new to them, so they don’t give a shit. And they don’t give a shit. Strangers are good, well-meaning people.